Expectations. The killer of all relationships. It took me approximately two years worth of self development courses, before I learned that all expectations when it comes to life, personal and intimate relationships, can set you up for udder and complete failure. How? Let me explain exactly what I’ve personally learned, and what I have applied to my everyday life.
We all have expectations when it comes to how our spouse/ partner should behave, react to situations, and even treat you. You also have an agenda. For example; you get the courage to send a sexy pic to your partner, with the expectation they respond to it the way you want them to. You expect them to react appropriately, and text back immediately with their response. I mean, why not?! You took the time out of your busy day to take the picture, throw a filter on it, then send it. Shouldn’t they give you the response you expect? The validation you need? The simple short answer is, no. Just because you feel like you need that validation, doesn’t mean it’s your partners job to give that to you. When you do something cute or nice for your partner, do it without expecting anything in return. Turns out in my personal experience, when I dropped the agenda and expectations, I actually got exactly what I wanted from my relationships. I would do something nice because I wanted to, and because I knew it would mean a lot to the other person. And guess what… I always received the gratitude for it. When I did nice things and didn’t get the reaction I was looking for, it left me feeling empty and pissed off. What a complete waste of energy, and it always led to intense arguments and fights that never needed to happen.
It’s almost like when we take the pressure off the other person to preform or react the way we want them to, they seem to figure it out all on their own. My stress levels stayed low, and I was a lot happier. When I was married I wasted all of my energy and focus on my ex. I expected him to clean more, take care of the baby more, just do more. I criticized his every move, especially if I did not agree with it. I also came into the relationship with a agenda. I fell in love with his potential, not with who he was already. I saw a man who fit my criteria and overlooked the red flags. Falling in love with potential will do that to you. Blinding you from all the red flags because you’re convinced the two of you are perfect for each other, because “on paper” they check all of your boxes. Looking back, I think he also did the same thing. He loved the idea of who I could be, but I could never meet his expectations. My ex and I could’ve saved so much time if we got to know each other on a deeper level, instead of face value. We would’ve realized a lot sooner, we were never compatible.
I dropped my expectations when it comes to dating, but I kept my preferences. The difference? The things I would prefer in a partner, but absolutely do not expect. Once I start texting or calling a perspective date, I would prefer them to act interested by at least calling or texting here and there. If it doesn’t happen, I don’t waste my energy getting upset about it. Obviously if time goes on, and I still don’t hear from him, I take the point, and move on. I have since been much happier. The old Meg would’ve blew up his phone out of pure anger, because I excepted him to call or text once in a while. So instead, I stop expecting, and let the universe sort it all out for me. After all, what’s meant to be, will be.
Standing firm on preferences is okay. Only you know what you like, and what you’re looking for in a partner. If that partner isn’t your cup of tea, instead of creating a toxic relationship with expectations to change them into who you want them to be, just let them go. Believe me, you’ll be so much happier knowing you’re falling for someone as they are currently, and that will also take a load of pressure off the other person, knowing they don’t have to validate anything for you (because hopefully you’re already in love yourself , but that’s a blog for another day) and don’t have to live their life to your expectations, and also vise versa.
I hope this post put things into perspective for you. If you’re in a loving relationship, but could use a little advise on how to make your relationship a little more positive, try dropping the expectations, and start doing things for them without expecting anything in return. I can almost guarantee they will immediately notice, and you’ll actually get exactly what you’re hoping for without the unnecessary stress and arguments.
Thanks for reading!! Leave me a comment if you have any questions or need some clarification! Xoxo