Finding my purpose and the single mother

I’ve been debating for weeks how I will write and approach a very special detail about my life. I’ve also been super hesitant about sharing very personal details about my God given gift, but the more I continue to show my friends and even co-workers certain abilities I have, the more the secret comes out into the open. But now that I have been open and honest with myself and to my friends, the more I’m finding just how supported I am. I’ve always had the most loving support from my family regarding this, even if my mother most of time did not know how to help me. She never truly knew how to support me or had the answers for what I was experiencing, while I was growing up. But now, I have the right mentors to help guide me in the right direction. 

For months I have opened up to my best friends and I’ve found nothing but love and encouragement. I had no idea that they would be so understanding, and also interested in my gift. It feels amazing when they come to me with questions out of curiosity, and not judgement. I feel so set free that now I am ready to share with everyone. So, sit back, get comfy, and let’s FINALLY get into what this blog was actually intended for. Oh, and save all questions for the end. I’m sure some of you will have a few!

Hi, my name is Meg, and I am a Medium. No, not the clothing size, but one of those people who can communicate with those who have passed away. I hate the word “died”, only because since I was my daughters age, I have been able to see, hear, and communicate with people who have crossed over. They definitely don’t seem “dead” to me. In fact, I’ve found that everyone’s loved ones who have come through for my friends and family, are very much alive, just in a different way. They express to me big personalities and seem to still be very present in their living loved one’s lives. I know, this whole idea of people speaking to “the dead” seems insane, but if my overly extreme, Cristian Father, and hard-core Catholic grandparents can accept this, then believe me you can too. In fact, the first person I have ever given a message to from the other side, was my dad. And if you happen to know my dad, he doesn’t believe in any of this. Even as a child when I told him about the “family” who would visit me in my bedroom almost every night, he just laughed it off and told me I had an overactive imagination. But after his grandmother passed away, he was grief stricken. I remember sitting with him outside of my brother’s house a few years ago, just casually talking when all of a sudden, I heard my great grandmothers voice, loud and clear. She repeated over and over again “Tell your father to throw away my medications.” Now, I didn’t know his grandmother very well, but I did know she was sick during the last few years of her life. I didn’t even know how to tell my dad that his grandmother was actually here, talking to me. I didn’t know if he would be open to receiving this message. Like I said, my dad was a nonbeliever, until that day. I waited to give him the message until he finally mentioned his grandmother. He told me how much he was missing her and how he wished she was still around. I found my opening into the conversation, took a deep breath, and told him she was actually here now, and she wanted him to throw away her medications. Until that moment, I had never seen my dad cry. Holding back tears, he just went along with it. I asked him “Are you having a hard time throwing them out?”. He told me he was. He told me earlier that morning, before coming to see me at my brothers house, he opened the medicine cabinet and saw all of her old medications just sitting there. He told me he thought about getting rid of them but couldn’t. He said the pain was too much, and that getting rid of her things was almost like getting rid of what was left of her. I told him that his grandmother was repeating to me to “throw them out.” She also told me that my dad needed to let go of guilt. I asked him what he was feeling guilty about, and he began to finally let the tears out. He said he has held on to this guilty feeling of not being able to give her a better life while she was sick. Both my grandmother and father went on to tell me more, but I want to keep our conversation between the three of us. Bottom line was her message helped my dad heal just a bit. He will always miss her, but he now knows for fact she is still around him. He also threw away her medications later that day.

That was all it took for me to finally realize, I need to start figuring out this gift I had. I wanted to help more people, but I needed to find a mentor. Then one day, she came to me. 

You know that saying “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear”? well, that’s exactly what happened to me. About a year after giving my dad that message from his grandmother, I found Candace Dalton. A well-known Medium who has studied Mediumship her entire life. I still to this day have no clue how she ended up on my social media page but knowing what I know now about “coincidences”, I simply don’t ask questions anymore. Long story short, she became my mentor. Candace taught me how to safely connect with Spirit, and relay messages of love, hope, and guidance to someone who is willing to receive them from their past loved ones. Since then, I have been reading for my closest friends, complete strangers and even coworkers. Some readings even “just happen” when I’m with a group of friends.  One night in particular, I was having wine with a few of my best girlfriends when all of a sudden, I was hearing the name “Chris” over and over again in my head. My best friends know I have this ability and are always intrigued, so I interrupted them and asked, “Who is Chris?”. Both of them looked at me and finally one of them said “Oh! I know!”. So, I continued with the reading. Due to the intimate details Chris gave me regarding his death, I will maintain my girlfriend’s privacy. Most messages I get from spirit contain very personal details, and until I am given permission to share the readings, I will not write about them here. I will, however, start to ask the sitter (the person being read) if it would be alright to write about it from here on out. 

I try and read one sitter a week. I am still considered a “Practicing Medium”, so I don’t ask for money, or take donations. I have given readings to people over the phone, in person and from all over the country. Most of my sitters are other practicing Mediums, or friends of friends whom I have never met before. I have given readings to my coworkers as well, so there goes my chance of ever keeping this secret from them. For obvious reasons my favorite people to give readings to are the ones who I have never met before, and I know absolutely nothing about. That way there is no doubt in their minds (and mine) that the messages are in fact coming from their loved ones. Now don’t get me wrong, I can read my best friends and family members. I have in the past, but their loved ones can and often tell me things about that person, that they themselves have never told me. This has happened and can be uncomfortable if that person wasn’t ready to tell anyone. Now, let’s get something clear. Loved ones are not here to embarrass you during a reading. If something personal was said, they are only trying to prove to you or “validate” that they are still around and continue to be very present in your life today. 

Let’s talk about validations. Validations are when spirit tells me their name, gender, approximate or exact age they were when they crossed over, and how they passed away. Validations can also come in the form of relationship to the sitter, personality traits, and even what the two of you loved doing when they were still alive. Validations are so important during a reading because it allows the sitter to trust that I am in fact, speaking with their loved one. How spirit shows me these validations looks a lot like a messy watercolor painting. For example, when they want to show me one of their favorite things to do when they were here on earth, they show me a picture of it. It looks like they took a paint brush, splashed a bunch of watercolors all over a piece of paper, and presents it to me. Not all of the pictures I see appear to me clear. When this happens, it is my job to do the best I can to try and figure out what the picture best resembles. My last reading the sitters aunt showed me a picture of what looked like an Angel with big white wings and a long body. I asked the sitter why her aunt would be showing me this white Angel. She laughed and told me that at that exact moment, she was asking her aunt in her mind, to have her show me her Halloween costume from when she was three, since that was the last memory, she had with her aunt. Then the sitter told me she was a white duck when she was three, and that was why her aunt showed me a picture of something with big wings and a long body. Which makes a lot of sense. In my mind all I could see were large white wings and a long body, but my interpretation of the picture presented to me appeared to look more of an Angel. I actually thought that was pretty cool that the sitter was able to ask her aunt to show me something very specific during the reading. That just goes to show how amazing and loving your loved ones are. Most of the time, spirit does an incredible job showing me clear pictures, telling me their name (yes sometimes I can hear them in my own thoughts voice), and making me feel just a little bit of what they felt before crossing over. For example, when someone passes from a heart or chest related issue, they make me feel like I have heartburn for a few seconds. When someone passes from lack of breathing, they will make me feel as if I couldn’t breathe. If someone could not speak before they passed, they make me feel as if my tongue was a little swollen. For diseases like dementia or Alzheimer’s, they show me a picture of a brain as if it was in an X-ray. For car accidents they will show me a picture of a vehicle colliding with another. For suicides they appear to me as a very low, dimmed light. Yes, I can also see spirit. In fact, I almost use that ability as a crutch since I have never given a reading with my eyes open, yet. I am currently working on that, so I prefer conducting readings over the phone. That way its less awkward for the both of us. But the way they present themselves is very unique. In fact, I have never met another Medium who can see the spirit they are reading. It’s pretty frustrating because I have a thousand questions on why this is so unique to me. But what I love about it is I can almost immediately tell the sitter how many spirits are here for them. At least that makes it pretty easy for me. Spirit always comes to me in a blue or purple ball of light. Sometimes there are only one, and sometimes there are too many to count, like my last reading. They form a line and will normally speak to me one at a time. The first thing they always tell me is their gender, followed by their name. Names can be difficult for me sometimes, so to stay on the safe side, I will write down the name in my notebook and tell the sitter the first letter of the name. Most of the time I get it correct but like I said, names are still difficult for me to hear, but after a few more months of practicing I’m sure I’ll get it. 

The more I come into my gift, the more I plan on sharing with my followers. I plan on sharing the readings I am giving If I am granted permission from the sitter (names will be changed for privacy). I’ve had this gift my entire life but am just now learning how to use it safely. With my mentors help, and God’s protection I am slowly figuring it out, one reading at a time. 

My next post will be my experiences I had with spirit as a child and teenager. Please leave all questions for me in the comment section or email them to me! 

Stay connected and follow me on my blog for updated progress, and amazing readings! 

Expectations and the Single Mother

Expectations. The killer of all relationships. It took me approximately two years worth of self development courses, before I learned that all expectations when it comes to life, personal and intimate relationships, can set you up for udder and complete failure. How? Let me explain exactly what I’ve personally learned, and what I have applied to my everyday life.

We all have expectations when it comes to how our spouse/ partner should behave, react to situations, and even treat you. You also have an agenda. For example; you get the courage to send a sexy pic to your partner, with the expectation they respond to it the way you want them to. You expect them to react appropriately, and text back immediately with their response. I mean, why not?! You took the time out of your busy day to take the picture, throw a filter on it, then send it. Shouldn’t they give you the response you expect? The validation you need? The simple short answer is, no. Just because you feel like you need that validation, doesn’t mean it’s your partners job to give that to you. When you do something cute or nice for your partner, do it without expecting anything in return. Turns out in my personal experience, when I dropped the agenda and expectations, I actually got exactly what I wanted from my relationships. I would do something nice because I wanted to, and because I knew it would mean a lot to the other person. And guess what… I always received the gratitude for it. When I did nice things and didn’t get the reaction I was looking for, it left me feeling empty and pissed off. What a complete waste of energy, and it always led to intense arguments and fights that never needed to happen.

It’s almost like when we take the pressure off the other person to preform or react the way we want them to, they seem to figure it out all on their own. My stress levels stayed low, and I was a lot happier. When I was married I wasted all of my energy and focus on my ex. I expected him to clean more, take care of the baby more, just do more. I criticized his every move, especially if I did not agree with it. I also came into the relationship with a agenda. I fell in love with his potential, not with who he was already. I saw a man who fit my criteria and overlooked the red flags. Falling in love with potential will do that to you. Blinding you from all the red flags because you’re convinced the two of you are perfect for each other, because “on paper” they check all of your boxes. Looking back, I think he also did the same thing. He loved the idea of who I could be, but I could never meet his expectations. My ex and I could’ve saved so much time if we got to know each other on a deeper level, instead of face value. We would’ve realized a lot sooner, we were never compatible.

I dropped my expectations when it comes to dating, but I kept my preferences. The difference? The things I would prefer in a partner, but absolutely do not expect. Once I start texting or calling a perspective date, I would prefer them to act interested by at least calling or texting here and there. If it doesn’t happen, I don’t waste my energy getting upset about it. Obviously if time goes on, and I still don’t hear from him, I take the point, and move on. I have since been much happier. The old Meg would’ve blew up his phone out of pure anger, because I excepted him to call or text once in a while. So instead, I stop expecting, and let the universe sort it all out for me. After all, what’s meant to be, will be.

Standing firm on preferences is okay. Only you know what you like, and what you’re looking for in a partner. If that partner isn’t your cup of tea, instead of creating a toxic relationship with expectations to change them into who you want them to be, just let them go. Believe me, you’ll be so much happier knowing you’re falling for someone as they are currently, and that will also take a load of pressure off the other person, knowing they don’t have to validate anything for you (because hopefully you’re already in love yourself , but that’s a blog for another day) and don’t have to live their life to your expectations, and also vise versa.

I hope this post put things into perspective for you. If you’re in a loving relationship, but could use a little advise on how to make your relationship a little more positive, try dropping the expectations, and start doing things for them without expecting anything in return. I can almost guarantee they will immediately notice, and you’ll actually get exactly what you’re hoping for without the unnecessary stress and arguments.

Thanks for reading!! Leave me a comment if you have any questions or need some clarification! Xoxo

Learning to love myself and the single mother

I want talk about and recognize the identity crisis, most of us new mommy’s face after having a baby. One day you’re a successful real estate agent, or business woman, hustling and socializing almost daily, then the next day you’re a professional diaper changer and milk dispenser . Before baby, you knew who you were, and you knew what was expected of you. You knew the role you played in life, and your confidence level was at a 10. But what happens to all of that once you become a mom? Where does it go? Why do we lose ourselves and our identity after we have a baby? These are questions I asked myself every single day, as I watched my old coworkers thrive in their careers, while I stayed at home with Liv. Don’t get me wrong, I was beyond thankful I was able to stay home with her for a year and a half, but I missed my old self. I knew who I was when I was working, and I felt relevant. Being a new mommy was confusing, and I felt lost. I had to find a completely new routine for not only myself, but now this new little person I had. Social media didn’t help at all during that time either. Coming from my line of work, it was hard to watch my peers thrive at their jobs, win awards, pick up a new rank or job title. I was happy for them, but I wanted that for myself as well. While the baby slept I used to look back at old photos of myself on social media, just to try and remember who I used to be. I didn’t know who I was anymore, and postpartum depression wasn’t helping. At the time I was feeling all of these self doubt and negative emotions about my own self worth, I was falling into a depression. I resented my husband at the time, because when I talked about wanting to return to work, he made comments like “You should feel grateful you’re able to be a stay at home mom.” and “Get over it.” He didn’t understand because he was still able to maintain his social life and work life. If anyone else is hearing this from their spouse/ boyfriend/ girlfriend/ keep in mind, it has absolutely nothing to do with not feeling grateful. You can be grateful and even feel so blessed for the opportunity, but if you’re like me, and feel so worthless and irrelevant because you went from a working woman, to a stay at home mom, you can feel like you have no identity. I once had this conversation with a friend, and she recommended I choose to see my new identity as a “Mother”. That’s it, a mother. Was I supposed to just go from being a full time police officer, who was used to having adrenaline rushes, and getting into exciting incidents, to being just a mother? No, and it doesn’t work that way. I am so blessed to be Livvys mommy, and I could never imagine my life without her, but I knew deep down I needed to find a balance. I wanted it all. I wanted to merge my old identity with my new one, and honestly that scared me so much. My fear was if I put all of my energy into my work, what could I possibly have to give Liv at the end of the day. Negative thoughts raced through my mind daily. I remember thinking my first week back at work “What am I doing here?!”. Again, I had lost myself while being a stay a home mom, I didn’t know if I could do my job anymore. It took me about a year to find my balance. It took a long time to find my new identity, and it was a lot of trial and error. I learned the hard way that my true identity didn’t come from my profession. It also didn’t come from being a mom (although, I absolutely love being one). It came from me. Who I was as a person. The choices I make every single day to better myself, and others around me. Not to get all “mushy feely” on you, but my perspective comes from a place of loving myself, regardless if I am a successful police officer, or a full time stay at home mommy. Finding myself or new identity took learning how to mediate, finding my higher self, and learning to ground myself. Work no longer defines who I am, and neither does being a mom. I am so much more than that, and so is all the other mamas out there. Now is your opportunity to break up with your old self, and rediscover what you’re actually put here on earth to do. Discovering mediation and grounding techniques actually gave me an amazing spiritual awakening. My mind is the clearest it has ever been, and I wake up every morning with love and gratitude. Don’t get me wrong, my life isn’t perfect and I do struggle sometimes on maintaining a balanced life, but I can still find at least three or five things in my day to be grateful for. My next blog will be all about my spiritual awakening and finding gratitude’s and blessings, so I don’t want to dig too deep yet on this topic yet, but maybe you can use the tools I shared to rediscover your true self and identity.

Traveling and the Single Mother

How many parents out there have traveled alone with an infant? How many parents out there have traveled alone internationally with an infant, or a toddler? I have, and if you’re a military wife I bet you raised your hand twice, and good for you for surviving that challenge! Seriously, that has to be the biggest, toughest, emotionally draining, alcohol inducing, thing I have ever done, and that’s coming from a former Marine and Police Officer! Coworkers, friends, and social media followers ask me travel related questions almost weekly. My followers on social media look at Liv and I and think we travel domestically and internationally with ease, but we don’t. It’s not easy, but if I can do it, YOU can do it. Oh, and without tears. Here are some tips and tricks I have personally come up with when it came to road trips and flights, with my very energetic toddler;

Number one; iPad screen time. Not to quote Linsay Lohan’s character from Mean Girls, but this is absolutely correct. When it comes to screen time “The limit does not exist.” Oh, and bring a backup battery charger. When it comes to long flights or road trips, make sure to have an iPad or some sort of video entertainment on hand at all times. Don’t feel bad for the excessive screen time either. Remember, you are in survival mode, and your mission is to get to your destination unscathed, and sober. Make sure to have movies and games pre-downloaded the night before, just in case you are unable to find wifi. This expensive little tool will help you get to your destination, and hopefully with the help of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, will help your little one get there as well with little to no tears.

Number two; Travel games. Amazon should do the trick for this one, and the best part about it, travel board games are pretty cheap! Here is my list for travel board games I have used with Liv;

Melissa & Doug Travel Bingo.

Coogam Travel Tangram Puzzle- Magnetic Pattern Block Book.

Eraseable drawing pad book by AriTan.

“Take ‘N’ Play” magnetic game boards.

Good ol’ fashioned crayons and coloring books, or color wonder markers and books.

These are just a few of the travel games, but will come in handy on road trips or layovers! All can be easily searched for and found on Amazon.

Number three; Endless snacks. Your job during this taxing process is to continuously feed the toddler. I have never had an issue with TSA in the past when it came to traveling internationally with prepackage baby food, or toddler snacks. You will however, have to take them all out of your insanely organized diaper bag you packed so perfectly the night before, and present them all to the TSA officers at screening time, but you should not be told to toss them out as long as you actually have a child with you. I have traveled internationally with full bottles of formula and baby food, and I have never had a problem. Snacks are good to have specifically for bribes. For example, “I will give you this bag of Pirate Booty, if you can sit down properly, and stop jumping on your seat.” If this does not work, keep offering other snacks until one catches their attention. To this day I am very snack driven, like my three year old.

Number four; Stay organized and travel as light as possible for Customs. I learned this the hard way. The first time I traveled internationally with Liv, she was 8 months old. We flew from Japan to San Diego, and I had no idea what I was doing. This was the first time I had flew or even traveled alone with Liv, and it was all trial and error. I took notes on what worked for us, and what did not. What did not work was checking our Bob Stroller. Terrible idea. I put Liv in the oversized jogging stroller, while dragging our giant 75 pound luggage bag behind me, and an infant carseat in a TSA approved travel bag (backpack style) on my back (also a great Amazon find!). It was heavy and obnoxious. Oh, and at every customs stop, you have to take the baby out of the car seat, fold the stroller, place the stroller on the conveyer belt to scan, all while holding the baby, then place all luggage on the belt, unpack the diaper bag because, snacks, then take you and baby though security, just to get to the end of customs to unfold stroller and repack the diaper bag. Oh, and they dont give you much time to do this. There will be a very long line of tired and angry people behied you, if you were to take your time. There is an easier way, and here is what I learned the second time around. Strap baby to you so you have free range to move around through customs, and layovers. If you have to travel with a stroller, the POCKIT travel stroller will be a life saver. It even folds into a tiny square to fit inside of the overhead compartment above your seat. Thie was also another Amazon find. This will come in handy for toddlers up to three years old as well. I love this stroller, and when Liv grew out of it, I donated it to another mama who was traveling solo with her little one. We both agreed, this was perfect for traveling with! You don’t even need to check it because of how perfectly sized it is, so baby can remain inside while walking around the airports during layovers.

Number five; “The extra” stuff. If you are staying with family, try and send all hygiene products to your destination a week before your trip. Do not travel with them. You need that extra room for clothing, diapers, or even to make your luggage a little lighter. I use Target or Amazon to send all shampoos and body washes, straight to wherever I am staying. Keep your luggage light and organized because heaven forbid Customs has to break open your suitcase, because they saw your curling iron as a threat and needed to investigate it ( true story) so they dumped it. Do not expect them to put anything back nicely either. Diaper bags as well. Get one specifically for traveling. A lot of compartments and side pockets! You will fill them all, trust me.

Last but not least. If you have to travel with an infant, call your airline after you book your flight to request the baby bassinet. You will get more space for you and baby, and your little one will be able to relax and sleep during the journey! This is something a lot of parents did not know! There is usually only one or two of these on a flight, so request it quick.

Traveling solo with a child will be stressful, but the more you do it, the better at it you get. It will be rough at first but take notes on what worked, and what you could do better next time. Like anything, it takes practice, but I can honestly say after three years of traveling with Livvy, its actually getting a little easier when it comes to the process.

There is a lot I am leaving out but I wanted to keep this topic simple and light so, if you have any other questions or need any advice on this topic, please leave a comment or email me, and I will get back to you!

Thanks for reading!

Dating and the Single Mother

Here it is, the topic I’ve been trying to avoid but have been told by my co worker, I needed to talk about. I wanted to avoid this topic due to the fact that my dating life is pretty much non existent, and although I have no shame, I felt that I had nothing to bring to the dating table. So, here we go. Lets dive in.

Dating and the single mother. Eh, well, the legally separated mother thanks, to COVID-19 slowing me down. But, I am well on my way to legal freedom. Even with a mild technicality in my relationship status, I am still being asked out on dates. Now, guys are not lining up at my door, not like that. But here and there, some nice man will come out of nowhere and either “slide into the DMs”, or the most popular one, ask my work partner if I was single. Now, here’s where it gets complicated.

I absolutely love staying home on a Saturday night with my daughter, Liv. I feel like its just where I belong. I honest to God enjoy my weekends together, but I wouldn’t mind a date or two here and there. Ya know, to feel like I have a somewhat of a normal life. To get dressed up in cute heels and a dress, and be complimented for an hour or two. who wouldn’t want that?! So here is why after approximately a year and a half of being single, I haven’t gone on a single date. Yep, not one.

Reason number one; Mom guilt. Its real. The first time I was asked out, I agreed to meet up on a Saturday evening. We were meeting half way due to distance, and I was semi excited. I found a sitter last minute, a super cute outfit, and rocked out in my bathroom to all the good music as I got dressed for my “first date”, to pump myself up. Then, an hour before I was supposed to head out, the mom guilt kicked in. Like, full on, head to toes, mom guilt. My chest felt heavy and my stress level went up. I went from excited, to “omg, I need to cancel”, in a matter of minutes. So, I canceled. I made up some lame excuse, changed out of my date attire, and snuggled up with Liv on the couch as we watched Moana. Did I feel bad for canceling on who I perceived to be an amazing, sweet, guy? Hell yeah I did! I felt terrible, but mom guilt feels worse. The heaviness I felt on my chest went away as soon as I hung up the phone to tell him I wasn’t going to make it. Needless to say, I never heard back from him.

Reason number two. One guy seemed very okay with me being a mommy, but in the end, I started getting the feeling he was not. Let me explain. We were set up. My partner at work mentioned to me a friend of his was interested in asking me out. Oh, and he knew I was a single mom. My partner gave him my number with my permission, and we started texting. Texting turned into phone calls, and phone calls turned into Facetime. He was cute, sweet, and we had a lot in common. We talked for weeks. He never asked about Liv, or even “liked” any of her pictures I would post on social media. But, he was quick to “like” solo ones of me. I thought things were going well, and at that point we had been talking every single night for over a month. I got the feeling he wasn’t interested in ever meeting up with me after a short conversation about kids. He mentioned he wasn’t interested in them, and didn’t even know if he wanted them in the future. I knew right then this wasn’t going anywhere. We never spoke again after that night.

Guys who are not “kid friendly” won’t stick around. Im actually okay with that too! Does it hurt to feel rejected? Yes. Yes it does. But I come with a child. An amazing one at that. My life isn’t easy or simple either. If I’m “talking” to any guy, I have to explain to them that dating me can be complicated. It’s work. I can’t just “get up and leave” to meet you. I can’t sleep over your house, I need date plans scheduled at least one week in advance, and texting constantly throughout my day is not going to happen. Please, for the love of all things good, call me! It’s super hard to have a three year old climbing on me, eager to get my attention, all while texting you and making small talk. No. Just no.

Also, I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe in soul mates, and I believe we have more than one in this lifetime. Yes, more than one. I really am in no rush to find my soul mate, but isn’t the fun part about dating supposed to be the journey? Dating should be fun and exciting, but I actually dread it. Child or no child, I have honestly never liked it. Dating feels like a competition. A competition I want nothing to do with. I’m an old school kind of girl, with an old soul, so I believe in the old way of going about it. I know, confusing, so stay with me for a second. What happened to locking eyes with the cute boy at the coffee shop, and he walking up to you to make small talk, then he asks you for your number, then that ultimately leads to a date? I want this so badly. I have been so close to being asked out this way, but I ruined it! long story short, one early morning I was waiting in line at a Starbucks. I had a million errands to run that day so I decided to get dressed up. I looked adorable, and caught the eye of a gorgeous San Diego firefighter, who I actually had never seen or met before ( being a police officer requires me to work with these guys, so I know a good majority of them). We locked yes, he smiled, I smiled back, and he walked over a little closer to me. I got nervous. Like, a little sweaty under my cute top, nervous. He said “You have really pretty hair, and I just had to tell you that”. My reply? “Oh, thanks! I haven’t washed it in three days!”. That’s all it took for him to awkwardly smile at me and turn around to walk away. WTF is wrong with me?! A moment I had waited for was ruined and I had no one to blame but my dirty, but perfectly curled hair and my mouth. Needless to say, if this was to happen again, I will not bring up my hair routine habits. Then, there’s online dating. I cant. No judgment for those who online date, its just not for me. This is where dating feels like a competition. Why would I want to compete with all the single girls within a 25 mile radius of this guys home. Its too easy to log in to some app, order yourself a Friday night date, the same exact way you would order your clothing or groceries. Where is the chase? Where is the fun in this? If I have to cancel on a date, its super easy to replace me with a new girl you found on Tinder. Again, dating sucks. For now on, I will not be afraid to be the pursuer if I need to be. Its okay to see someone you would love to get to know, and ask them out. I no longer have any shame when it comes to that. But, it will take someone super special to pull me away from a Disney movie with Livvy on a Saturday night.
I know one day I will find my “perfect man” but it will take some time, and I’m okay with that. It will happen for me, and if this pertains to you, you as well. To quote an early 80’s band I love “Hold the line. Love isn’t always on time”. -TOTO

    Have a question? Ask me in the comments section or send me an email! XOXO

    Learning to say no and the single mother.

    I have to get something out into the open. I have been experiencing something that is literally blowing my mind. I’m talking about a word we all know well and use daily, but why is it considered a “bad word”? Why does this one little word affect relationships with friends and family? It can tear friendships apart. I’m talking about the little two letter word, “No”. That’s right, I said it! No.

     Before I begin my rant, I want to throw some fun facts out to you,and give you an explanation on how this word has changed my life.

    Fun fact number one. Women are people pleasers. If you’re a women reading this right now, you probably can relate. More women than men feel the need to please everyone around them regardless of relationship status. Strangers included. We can’t say no. Even if we are stretched thin, and have a million things going on all at once, we feel the need to fulfill the requests of others, at the expense of our own sanity. For example, your best girlfriend calls and asks if she can come over to hang out with you tomorrow evening. You know that in the evening time, it’s the only designated time you have to get your laundry done, or even the only time you have away from your kids, and have been looking forward to this alone time for weeks. YOU STILL SAY “YES”. You say yes to everyone. You’re a people pleaser. You feel like a terrible friend because let’s be real, being a parent is hard and time consuming. You give every ounce of your energy to the health and safety of your children, not leaving much for your own. Mental health to be more specific. And your friends are left hanging in the meantime. If you’re a new mommy (for mommies of 3 year olds or younger), you’re in what I call “survival mode”. Your “sleep derived” little world is stressful. You’re over caffeinated, under hydrated, haven’t had a moment alone in years, or even been able to use the bathroom alone, because heaven freaking forbid you close the door for some privacy on a 2 year old, and being used as a jungle gym is actually really annoying. So, if you fit into this category, like me, it’s okay to say no to friends. If you can’t fit them into your already insane schedule, do not make yourself feel terrible because you have nothing left to give. If your friends try to make you feel bad for your absence, and you’ve tried to explain your situation to them, and they’re still not getting it, maybe it’s time to get some new friends. Is this harsh? Hell yes it is. Maybe even a little bit extreme, but you make the call. If the friend is worth having around then maybe set a specific date, place, time, and location. Let everyone know you have allotted time open for a coffee or a wine date. Set the location, and put out the mass invite. If they make it, great! If they don’t, then you tried, girl.    

     

    Fun fact number two. Sometimes, your family doesn’t get it. Whether you’re a single mom, or a happily married mom, raising little people is hard work. Having family members who are constantly judging your every “mommy move”, makes it even harder. Let me paint you a picture of how my family operates. I come from an extremely close family. Everyone knows everyone’s business at all times. We are loud, loving, involved, and have zero filters. No questions or topics are off the table because, hey, we’re family! This also includes the expectation that you will sleep over at their homes, instead of getting a comfy hotel room. I travel up north to visit family approximately four times a year. I always drive the ten long hours from Southern California to Northern California to save money. It’s always the expectation that Livvy (my baby) and I stay with a family member. It’s actually insulting to them if you don’t. In the most loving way, of course. As much as I love spending the nights at their homes, it requires me to share a bed with my three year old, with all of our luggage stored in the corner of the room, and with the AC always off, because my family be like that. Not cheap, but “budget friendly”. To put it kindly, I don’t sleep. My toddler is a violent sleeper. She attacks me multiple times during the night. She uses her knees and elbows to thrash around the bed, constantly assaulting me. Every co-sleeping mom reading this right now is shaking their heads in agreement. Toddlers cannot just stay in one spot during the night. It’s just a fact. I wake up pissed off and feeling victimized as I check my rib cage for bruising. It’s terrible. Oh, let’s not forget about the excessive sweating most toddlers have. The room can be a cool 62 degrees and Livvy will be sweating her cute little butt off. Why does my child turn into a hot furnace during the night? I have no idea. But, apparently this is not uncommon for toddlers to sweat while sleeping. For the first time in my short 33 years of life, I advised my mother that Livvy and I would be getting a hotel room out in town. I explained to her that I needed to be able to get a full night of sleep, with AC, and two queen sized beds. To my surprise my mother replied “okay”. Word spread quickly that I had made plans to stay in a hotel, and my phone began to ring. I had other family members trying to make me feel bad for making this choice. I still said “no thank you”. I explained I needed to be able to sleep and be comfortable during my time there. If I’m tired and sleep deprived during my visit, then I’m just not myself. I said no, and guess what, I had an amazing time up north, and my family still loves me anyway. So, in conclusion, even if your family doesn’t agree with your actions, they are still going to love you anyway.   

     

    Getting back to the “time allotted” thing I mentioned before. I came up with this idea after losing some friends by politely declining invites to hang out. Every week I send out a mass text message to girlfriends who I rarely get to see. Some who have kids, and some who do not. I tell them I am having a wine night with snacks, and give them a specific time, and the place (always my house). Then, I wait to see who comes. If they can’t make it, I honestly don’t take offense to it. But, in return, they can’t give you a hard time about how they are never able to spend time with you. You are trying. You have made these plans in advance and it shows you are trying so very hard to maintain your friendships. This may or may not work for you right in this moment, but it might work at a later time. Like, maybe when your child starts sleeping through the night.